Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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