Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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