She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In other news, I just burned my penis
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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