Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
