she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
