based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
be right there i have to get my cape
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
