why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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