My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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