I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
