So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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