I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize