It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
