I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A+ Viking dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
