ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
