The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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