he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
