Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
