He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
