He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
