maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
