we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
