I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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