TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
