Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
