Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
