Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
