jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
