you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
