We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize