The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
