We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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