It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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