I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
