i don't like sucking hair
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
