Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drunk is not a location!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
