I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
