i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
