Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
