Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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