I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize