I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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