I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
