I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
