I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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