I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
