only if we run a train.
done.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
