Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
