I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to cum in my sink.
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