This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
