Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
