i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
