Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
