Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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