I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
