If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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