She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
