goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
