My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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