you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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