he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
