Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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