i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two words: blizzard sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
