i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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