Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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