perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
