I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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