Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
